I didn't have any wedding nightmares when I was planning the wedding-- I was surprisingly chill. But last night I had a dream in which I was a bridezilla of unimaginable proportions. And nothing was right. NOTHING.
Well, yes, of course. But...
My mom took a brown silk flower out of an arrangement on the wall of her house and told me I should just use that. I was crying from disappointment, and wanting to kill the dog, and everyone was telling me I was being ridiculous, and the wedding was not that important anyhow, and why was I so upset?
We arrived at the church to meet the photographer and my groom... only to discover that neither had showed up. Apparently the groom had decided he didn't love me and he didn't want to get married that day.
Our photographer still had not arrived, but everyone was reprimanding me for my hysteria because I was going to look horrible in my pictures-- and this isn't the way I wanted to remember my day. And they were right! This was all wrong! I didn't want to remember my wedding day like this... I wanted everything to be right. I didn't want to be a bridezilla--
So there were no vows said that day.
And no happily ever after.
Everyone kept calling me bridezilla and scolding me for getting caught up on 'details' that don't matter. And I didn't understand why NO ONE thought NOT having a groom there was was anything more than an unimportant 'detail'. I was screaming at the top of my lungs at my bridesmaids, at my mom, at the whole church, at the dog that ate my flowers-- GROOMS ARE NOT DETAILS!!!! And everyone looked at me like I had completely lost my mind.
I woke up suddenly and miserably with my adrenaline pumping and a throat sore from screaming.
When I became conscious that I was actually in bed I was happy to discover that it was January. And snowing outside. My husband was asleep breathing softly in bed next to me. We were in fact married last May. It was a beautiful, perfect day. Every detail was in place. My groom was the most handsome charming man alive. And he loved me very much that day.
And... for all our hardship over the past few months I know-- I KNOW-- he loves me even more today. So after the worst wedding nightmare ever (7+ months after the fact), I am happy to report I did not have the wedding--or the groom--of my dreams.
Sigh of relief.